I never thought I was addicted, until I attempted to live without it. I always thought I was drinking through choice and I could stop whenever I wanted. So why would I continue to drink even after humiliating myself and disappointing those I love? I'm ready to admit I'm hooked. But I'm ready to free myself from that hook. For good.
What a weird year of university it has been but thanks to the support of this lovely funny lot I’ve passed the first year of my masters with flying colours. We’ve all done so well.
Under different circumstances I think we could’ve had a ball over the last year, but we made the best of it as much as we could. And perhaps lockdown steered me away from any temptation to party like I did in my college days. I’m averaging a high 2:1 for my masters while studying sober in comparison to failing all my A levels like I did drunk in college!
Great to catch up today in the beautiful sunshine just down the road from the university I’m yet to step foot in. One day…
I don’t count days anymore but when my app sends me a congratulations I have to admit I feel pride in the growing numbers. They signify distance between the time of my life where I’ve felt the most shame and humiliation, and this time in my life when I feel the strongest in body and mind that I ever have.
1200 excellent days. Even the shit sober days were a thousand times better than any paranoid nauseous hangover days. Here’s to the start of another. I’m just helping the boy child pack his bag for his school trip today before we walk to school. It used to be the case that I’d drag myself out of bed minutes before we needed to leave the house, and drive him to school even though a lot of the time I was probably still over the limit. How depressing.
Some people find summer triggering for wanting a drink but it’s always been winter that I find triggering. I’ve never been a fan of getting smashed in the sun. It made me feel ill. But getting smashed in the cold and dark; yup, that was my thing. Bye bye triggers, hello sunshine 🌞💕
I’m getting really good at saying no to things and situations that I know aren’t good for me. I’ve done it loads over the last 3 years but thanks to lockdown I haven’t had to worry about declining going out for drinks etc.
Last night I had to be brutally honest with my best gal pals and tell them I can not possibly get on a train at noon on a Saturday to go to a city an hour and a half away, to then sit in numerous pubs and clubs for 8 HOURS before catching the train back at 9:30pm for the tedious journey back home propping up drunk friends (I didn’t word it quite like that but you know what I mean 😉 )
I’m now anxiously waiting for their response but regardless of how they take it I feel good about being honest about why I can’t go. The alternative would be to think up a dishonest excuse, or just go and suffer (f$*k that!)
3 years and 3 months of sobriety still solidly intact thanks to putting my needs before people pleasing. After decades of bending over backwards to please others I’m very proud of how far I’ve come.
Add on 2 hours later:
They’ve been great about it ♡ They’re reconsidering the plan and thinking that afternoon tea might be a better idea, so that’s an absolute win in my book 😆🙏❤
Back in my drinking days I used to have hundreds of “friends”. Now I have a select few, and they’re all quality 👌 😅
Just noticed that it’s been a year since I had a cigarette. I really struggled to stop smoking after giving up booze. It’s like I always needed something to do with my hands at social gatherings. I suppose I have lockdown to thank for helping me knock it on the head completely.
It would have been a year in February but I had a cigarette in the garden on this day last year when a friend visited for a catch up. I ended up having to go for a lie down afterwards cos I felt so sick. A valuable experience. I only have to think about how shit I felt that day and the temptation to smoke buggers off.
Now if only I could stop eating myself into a small sugar coma every evening.
I started cold water swimming 3 weeks ago with my daughter and sister in law, and in the 2nd week we met the lovely lady in the pink hat on the right as we bobbed around in the sea. We exchanged numbers and we’ve been swimming together almost every day. Instant chemistry and friendship and I’m super pleased. Icing on the cake this morning when she tentatively told me she doesn’t drink. She was avoiding saying anything because she says people look at her like she’s got 2 heads when she tells them. I was like Monica out of Friends squealing “I knowwwwwwwwww!” 😆😆😆🤘🤘🤘❤❤❤
Happy 3 year soberversary to me 💃🙏 This, believe it or not, is the kids idea, and they are so excited to help me and the bearded one sample this selection of alcohol free beverages ❤😍🙏 They are going to hate them. More for me 😆
A week ago I started the process of making Kombucha. Tonight I’ve sampled it and I’m very pleased with the result. I’m drinking this jar unflavoured as it is but I’ll be adding fruit to the other 2 jars and leaving them to ferment for another 3 days. Proper chuft.
Oh and I’m 3 years sober so that’s nice too 😆💃🤘❤ Celebrating with Kombucha and Haruki Murakami 🙏
My husband running to the toilet to be sick this morning and being too hungover to build a snowman with me and the kids is an excellent reminder of what I’m not missing out on ❄❤ Mine and the kids pathetic attempt 😆
Merry Christmas you brilliant bastards 👌 I was 34 months yesterday and shamed by my sister patronising me and calling me a “born again religious fantatic about alcohol”, bearing in mind she was pissed and I haven’t even mentioned being booze free to her or anyone away from the sobriety groups for a very long time. A reminder that people are arseholes regardless of whether they’re family 😆